Everyone Else

Everyone around me is happy
And they're leaving me here in the dust.
I used to be the happy one
That had someone to love.
And now I don't.
I'm fading in the background
Watching it all work out
For them.
Nothing's working out for me.
The boy I loved
Left me.
The I like
Doesn't feel the same way.
What I want
Isn't coming.
Instead I watch
As they all steal my dreams
And happy endings
And prince charmings.
Instead I watch, alone and cold.
I watch everyone around me be happy.

Sent from my iPhone

If Your Reading This, It's For You

You make me so sad.

Why can't you see how beautiful you are?
The twinkle in your eyes
The kinks in your hair
The devil in your smile
The magic in your heart
Why would you want to destroy something so beautiful?

You make me so sad

Why can't you tell how brilliant you are?
The power in your pen
The wit in your words
The truth in your lies
The life in your skeleton
Why are you hurting something so brilliant?

You make me so sad.

Why are you doing this to yourself?
The cuts on your legs
The drink in your glass
The thoughts in your head
The words in your mouth
Why won't you stop?

You make me so sad.

P.S. If anything were to happen to you, it would be my fault, because this whole time I could have stopped it. Please stop. I love you too much to watch you do this.

Sent from my iPhone

Am I Really That Lonely

Wednesday, November 3

Is it really that important to you?

Is it?
Really?
When he asked me that
I felt almost guilty.
Could I really be that lonely?
Am I really that unhappy with myself.
I must be.
Because when the time came
And I was able to wish
For anything in the world
I wished for someone to be here.
I wished for someone to love,
Someone to hold me.

I must be that lonely.
It must really be that important to me.

Sent from my iPhone

Lies

For how long was it all a lie?
How many times did he
Say those three words
And not mean it?
How many times did he
Think about breaking my heart?
He said that all he wanted
Was to hold me forever.
He said that he loved me
More than anything.
He told me he thought about me
All day and all night.
So now as I lay here,
Tasting the salty tears
Drip down my face,
I can't help my wonder,
For how long was it all a lie?

Sent from my iPhone

I Want To Cry

I just want to cry.
I don't know why.
I just do.

Maybe it's because I'm overwhelmed.
There's too much out there
Not enough in here
And I just can't handle it.

Or maybe it's this song.
It elicits a feeling from me-
The mixture of his voice,
And the echoing guitar-
A feeling of pure amazement.

Perhaps it's that I'm confused.
I like him. I think I do.
But he is a mystery
And I just want to give up
On this whole idea.

Or maybe, just maybe...
Maybe in the back of my mind-
As much as I deny it
And as much as I honestly hate him-
Maybe I still miss him.

Sent from my iPhone

Dear God

Dear God,

You didn't create me
My parents did.
You didn't create earth
A bang did.
You didn't create light
Science did.
You didn't create whales
Evolution did.
You didn't create happiness
Our minds did.
You didn't create sin
Our instincts did.
You didn't create poverty
Laziness did.
You didn't create death
The passing of time did.
You didn't create faith
Our own insecurities did.
And God, you didn't create us.
We create you.

Sent from my iPhone

One Night

Friday, October 15

one night

thats all it took

for her life to change.

she wasnt so innocent anymore.

a couple hours

is how long it took

for everyone around her

to see her differently.

one party

is all it took

for her friends to think

she wasnt the same person.

one mistake

and all of a sudden

anyone who knew what she did

lost all respect.

one drink

just one drink

and she went from a prude

to an easy slut.

just one night...

I Want You

Friday, October 15

It started as disparity
I was lonely
I was broken
I was withdrawing
I was falling down, down, down.
But now I don't know
I want a little more
I want to go somewhere
I want to be with him
I want to feel him up, up, up.
It began with lust
I needed to be kissed
I needed him to feel me
I needed skin on skin
I needed it to be fast, fast, fast.
But now it's a little more
I'm dying to know him
I'm dying to please him
I'm dying to tell him
I'm dying to take it slow, slow, slow.

I Need Someone

Sunday, October 10

I've been alone for some time now

No one to kiss
No one to touch
No one to cry about
No one to touch me
No ones hair to grab
No one to open up to
No one to brag about
No one to write about
No ones name to write
No one to dream about
No ones breath to taste
No ones arms to fall into
No ones clothes to wear
No ones name to scream
No one to complain about
No ones tongue to recognize
No one to imagine futures with
No one to break boundaries with
No one to spend a lonely night with

And I can't stand it much longer.

Sent from my iPhone

I'm Back

Sunday, October 10

I'm not actually inspired

Well, I am.

But I'm inspired

By not being inspired

I've been gone for so long

That all the emotion

Has just been

Locked

The animal inside of me

In a cage

With nothing to pounce on

And all the anger

Has been gathering

A hurricane inside me.

I've never before realized

How much this,

Inspiration,

Has helped me.

Without it... I'm lost.

I Am Strong

Friday, September 10

i can stand on my own two feet

without your walls holding me up.

i can make my own choices

without your wants suffocating me.

i can breath my own air

without you taking my breath away.

i can talk to other people

without wondering what you'd think.

i can live my own life

without constantly wondering where you are.

i can constantly be happy

now that i know you are gone.

I Did It

Saturday, August 29

this is supposed to be freedom

this is supposed to be salvation

i'm supposed to be relieved

then why do i feel so trapped?

now I'm supposed to have choices

i'm supposed to have possibilities

i'm supposed to find someone better

then why am i now so alone?

i'm supposed to be happy

this is supposed to be my decision

supposed to be what i wanted

then why do i want to take it back?

because...

this is supposed to be hard

and i'm supposed to cry

and its supposed to hurt inside

and its all supposed to get better.

Breaking Up

Saturday, August 7

I'm scared your love is fading
But mine just keeps on staying
And I'll soon have to learn
Just how to let you go.

I'll feel like I'm the one
Who'll leave this scarred and torn
And you'll just walk away
So able to let go.

I'll sit there in the dark
Wondering where you are
And I'll guess the reasons why
You wanted to let go.

And although I won't forget
The memories that we had
I'll have to pack my things
And finally let you go.

Sent from my iPhone

I'm In a Plane

Thursday, August 5

Thirty five thousand
That's how many feet between
Me and solid ground.

Things I've never seen
Places I've never been
I can see it all.

All it is, is lights
But I still know that somethings
Hide in the darkness.

Here, up in the clouds
Here, I can see everything
The entire world.

But from way up here
The whole world is just a blur
I can't see a thing.

Sent from my iPhone

I Still Have Hope

Sunday, August 1

lead weights falling from the sky

scream to just release my burden

hear how loud the voices cry

how long does it take to die?

how long will i shut my eyes?

how long till i claim what's mine?

how long should i trust this lie?

feel it tumbling in my head

don't know how to keep on worrying

though these doubts are never dead

what is felt is never said.

what is thought is cannot be read.

what is roaring my head?

what is it that you have fled?

time elapses like a flight

yet this fire would seize burning

here we hope, we wish, we might

we will never lose this fight

we will not put out the light

we will always be alright

we will fall in love tonight.

I'm Scared

Wednesday, July 29

i'm scared

nightmares don't phase me

the boogyman can't make me flinch

and ghosts to me are foggy angels

but i'm scared.

im scared

about tomorrow

and the future

and what disappointments it will bring

i'm still hopeful

but i'm scared.

i'm scared

this won't last

as much as i want it to

as much as i know i'll try

i can't help

but be scared.

This Too Shall Pass

Saturday, June 17

whenever pieces of the sky

fall upon my head and knock me down

to the point where

im riddled with bruises and scars

and my knees and hands are bloody

and i can feel the dams about to break

and release my broken tears,

i've always head one thought

and a collection of memories

close enough

to make it all go away...

so now that your sky is falling

and your sprawled on the floor

trying to stop

your scraped knees from bleeding

and your bruised hands from aching,

and even though salt water

leaks down your cheeks,

i hope you can hold me

and all the times we spent together

close enough

to make it all go away.

I Want To Live

Friday, July 2

i'll draw a face a day

just so i can live

all these different lives

that aren't mine.

i'll draw happiness and anger

jealousy, envy

starstruck lovers in grasp

i'll draw a face a day.

with each face comes a life

so fresh and clean and new

in its own graphite home

nothingl ike this world.

i'll draw a face a day

and then when it's erased

i look up at the world

and see reality.

Concentrate on Ripples

Tuesday, June 29

concentrate on ripples

never let them fade

keep them growing yonder

where stillness had once laid.

see them getting stronger

a growing entity

with each new passing droplet

their will become more free.

until that outer rim

it never seems to end

a forced backed by the gods

all cracks and lines it mends.

now concentrate on ripples

that never seem to fade

until they just stop growing

and once more stillness lays.

When You Love Me

Sunday, June 20

when i picture you with me

i hear the raging symphony.

and when i see your starry eyes

i feel so good i wanna cry.

when if feel you lips on mine

all of space just falls in time

and when your whispers reach my ears

you wash away all of my tears.

when you hold me close and tight

i dream of you all through the night.

and when you listen to my words

you take away all of the hurt.

when your skin rubs up on mine

the sun never seizes to shine.

and even when your not with me

our love will last eternally.

How Do I Describe This?

Saturday, June 19

being with you

is like listening to your favorite song

on full blast in a dark room.

its mindblowing.

my mind blanks

and you soul wanders up the hill

running faster

and the journey continues.

its something new.

every new moment

kindles old experiences into new feelings

that are warm

and comfortable.

its magic.

you hold tomorrow's magic

something i could never imagine along

without you

your touch, your heart.

its love.

Pressed So Close

Wednesday, June 16

cool skin on fire

pressed so close.

boiling, sizzling, popping like fireworks

a cold whisper

a warm touch

pressed so close.

presents and confidence

locked away

only for the crystal ball

of a certain someone

to whom i'm

pressed so close.

hearts burn by raw ice

hearts pressed so close

hidden behind barred windows

skin on glass on skin

pressed so close.

pressed so close...

To The One That I Love

Friday, June 11

you make my heart ache

but in a good way.

a way so good that i just want to

walk up to a stranger

and give him a new life

a life in which he can feel

just like i do.

because how i feel

feels like a warm sensation in my stomach

and like my feet are numb

and someone is tickling them

and even though i can't feel it

i know someone is there

so i can't help but laugh.

you make me feel like the world's on fire

but its far enough away

so that it just keeps me warm.

you make me feel alive... reborn

like i'm just learning how to walk

and talk and feel

all over again and you are teaching me

you make me feel so young

but so old at the same time

and you make me realize that i want

to do nothing

but be with you all the time

so i can kiss you

and hug you and touch you

because when i do

the universe around me falls away

leaving only you.

that's how it feels.

and even when you are not here

i can't help but think

that the future is going to be so beautiful

because you will be there

with me.

i love you so much.

This Time

Friday, June 11

this has all happened before

a perfect night

a perfect moment

a perfect goodbye.

goodbye.

only this time it'll be different

because this goodbye

won't mean three months of pain.

this all happened before

only this time we're in love

and that can't waver.

Tell Me What's Wrong

Wednesday, June 2

i can't stand when

i feel something's wrong

misplaced, misshapen, misplaced

but i can't do a thing.

i feel so helpless

so incapable of helping

fixing, mending, loving

and you won't even let me try.

i always imagine the worst

the most nightmarish possibilities

effects, outburst, futures

is it all my fault?

Send This Smile

Friday, May 21

it's coming to a close

final thoughts are conjured

and she sits on ashes

wondering

waiting

what's next?

the city falling beside her

in pieces of familiar places

and people

family

friends

and a lover.

but as chaos and fire falls

crushing life as she knows it

and it seems so

hopeless

desperate

no hope,

she can't help but think and know

that she still holds a smile

for the future

past

present

this chaos won't break a thing.

Mother's Day

Sunday, May 9

when i was a baby

you taught me not to shove

you taught me right from wrong

you taught me how to love

and as i started growing

you taught me how to dress

you taught me how to cook

and clean up my own mess

you taught me how to act

when things didn't go my way

and you taught me how to work -

to work hard every day

you taught me not to follow

to be a leader just like you

and you taught me not to quit

no matter what i had to do

but most of all you taught me -

even though it was sort of hard -

to be an excellent daughter

and write great mother's day cards!

~dedicated to my amazing mom <3

Goodbye Speech

Friday, May 7

goodbyes are contagious

one second you're hearing a speech

given from a friend to a friend

that ends with "i love you and will miss you"

and the next

you're crying about your love

who's leaving too,

the whole time whimpering

"i love you and will miss you"

and you know that somewhere

someone else is saying goodbye, too.

I Got You

Thursday, May 6

We're the type

that i would be jealous of

that i would rip my hair out to figure out

because we're so imperfectely perfect

and hou could anyone want more

than what i got?

i got you...

I Choose Option A

Thrusday, April 29

You aske a question

a question that already has an answer

a secret answer at that.

so when i answer this question

my answer is vague and thin

because i don't want to ruin the surprise.

This Feeling

Wednesday, April 28

It feels like a firework show

like the engery is coursing through

every fiber

of your being

triggering every nerve

pleasure point

pressure point

soft spot

until it's all just bliss.

it feels like christmas morning

you wake up earlier than usual

with waves of adrenaline rising off you

just to experience the moment

because you're scared for it to leave.

it feels like apple pie

warm going down

and it just sits inside of you

a lumpy mess

of perfection

you know you couldn't live without.

You Make Me Feel Beautiful

Monday, April 26

while i'm sitting here

thinking about all the things that are wrong,

the pieces that i just can't imagine fitting,

you're sitting over there

seeing all that is so right

the whole picture put back together

one piece at a time.

and i keep on sitting here,

trying to see it,

trying to find some sense in it all,

trying to figure out

why you would think i'm so beautiful.

...Almost Perfect

Sunday, April 25

all i want is more
and you give me more than you can afford.

all i need is you
and you give me everything that is you.

all i dream about is being in your perfect arms
and you bring me into your heart.

and when i'm searching for perfection in the darkness
you bring a lighthouse to guide me.

too bad it cant be like this forever...

Public Displays of Affection

Tuesday, April 20

Alone, he's all mine

he hugs and holds me and makes me his

he touchs his smooth nose to mine

stares into my eyes

"i love you" he says

i know he means it

but in public

in the sight of others

he shuts down

no kisses, no hugs

no nose touching nose and whispering words of solitude

just a stare or brush meant to say it all

but i dont mind

because i know what happens behind closed doors

and thats all that matters.

Don't Talk to Me About the Future...

Saturday, April 17

the sound of freedom is about as loud

as the screams of man at war in a far off land

so far, so distant

controlled by bringers of hostile captivity

so loud, so penetrating

but he knows it's just a murmur inside.

even when he's escaped

the plans will follow him

through the phone lines

and pieces of customized parchment

and even when he feels so free

so alive

it will always be laid out

in front of him

in a straight line, one by one, by one

so until it's up to him

don't ask about the future...

A Proper Goodbye

Friday, April 17, 2010

i was pulled away.

we couldn't have our last encounter as usual

- the one that commenced our day and made us

long for more.

i was pulled away by someone else.

someone i loved, but not like i loved you.

and when i stared at your eyes slowly turning smaller and smaller

till they were nothing but stars

in a lost universe,

i could see you were disappointed.

two days is a lifetime in a lifetime of so few days.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

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